PrincE Charming Complex

I’ve always felt it’s a miracle that two imperfect people from two completely different places, different families, sometimes-different religions or worldviews, etc… could stay together for a lifetime. I remember when Jill and I first got married (over 25 years ago now), there were a few lingering issues that I knew I’d need to work through in order to feel “free” in my marriage. I struggled with a lot of insecurity. I felt she deserved better than me or better than what I could offer her at the time. I was a recent college grad, waiting tables and working at Enterprise Rent-a-Car, making $2K/month and feeling pretty insignificant and unworthy, but I was trying! I loved her more than anything; I was willing to fight for her, protect her, provide for her and determined to be the best husband I could be for her. Unfortunately, though, I would subconsciously “blame” much of my insecurities and fears on her. When we would get into an argument or scuffle, I remember thinking, “My God, this woman is expecting me to be Prince Charming!” “Does she think I’m perfect?” “I can’t ever make this girl happy!” etc… Truth is, she wasn’t asking me to be perfect and she wasn’t looking for Prince Charming. She was simply asking me to understand her, be patient with her, empathize with her, and humble myself enough to apologize when necessary. Something would flare up between us and my pride would flare up in unison and rather than embrace humility, which would usually diffuse any tense situation, I would (and unfortunately still do at times) choose a defensive posture and begin to build my dysfunctional case to prove I was right and she was wrong. As I’m certain, some of you can relate, this strategy most often led to further heartache, frustration and prolonged hours of despair. So, here is my encouragement to all of us who may find ourselves, at times, in the ugly vortex of pride. Next time things flare up between you, take a moment to breathe (excuse yourself for a few minutes if necessary), invite God into the situation and ask Him for wisdom and then remember that this is the woman you are committed to for life. Most likely, she’s not asking you to be Prince Charming. She’s likely simply asking you to understand her, empathize with her, apologize with sincerity (yes, sometimes even if you know you’re right, because you may have hurt her in your efforts to prove your case) and lay your pride down so that you can listen and speak with an unpolluted heart. 

Proverbs 11:2 – “Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” 

I pray that I will continue to improve in this area of my marriage and I pray the same for you, brothers. For those of you not yet in a committed relationship, I hope these words were not futile but seeds planted for the future.

Questions to Ponder:

How do the negative effects of pride manifest in your relationship with your wife or others?

When tensions flare and frustration or anger is sets in, are you quick to invite God into these situations? Why or why not?

Let’s go get it!