I pray the lord, my soul to keep.

For years I was tormented by a repetitive dream. Elements of the dream would change slightly but the basic premise and outcome was always the same. I was usually standing alone in an open field or green pasture. I would hear an awful and familiar noise coming from above. As I gazed into the sky, I would see a small plane (always white in color) and I’d hear the engine sputter as if it were running low on fuel or experiencing some malfunction. Moments later, the plane would begin to fall from the sky. There was nothing I could do but watch in horror as the plane would auger into the ground in a massive fireball. I never saw the pilot but I knew someone had died and it was awful. This was the dream or shall I say, nightmare that replayed in the theatre of my mind for many years.

One night, I discovered the “key” to this cryptic occurrence. Before I explain, a bit of history first. As a young boy, I always struggled with a nearly paralyzing fear of death and eternity. I wasn’t so much afraid of how or even when I would die but more scared about what would happen after I died. It’s like I knew now what it felt like to be alive and I just couldn’t imagine the thought of no longer living or existing. Even still, and to make matters worse, as I considered the possibility of heaven or some afterlife, I would experience anxiety around this notion as well because the idea that I would be doing something a billion years from now and beyond was also too extreme for me to deal with. This fear of death was something I grappled with in private. I was raised Jewish and was essentially told that death would be like the most peaceful sleep I could imagine. Then, around age 12, I was introduced to Christianity and was told that God was preparing a place for “His Bride” and that I would eventually experience the fullness of this place (Heaven) with Him throughout eternity. Although this theory resonated with me, I quietly wrestled on because it never quite penetrated the depths of my soul.

Many years ago, I had a breakthrough. Jill was in bed with the flu and I was taking care of her. I made her dinner and we decided to watch a movie. The movie was called Signs. Mel Gibson plays a pastor whose wife dies tragically in a car accident. In his grief and despair, this pastor blames God for what happened. In a following scene, his daughter asks (paraphrase), “Daddy, is mommy in heaven?” and the pastor responds, “No, honey. I don’t want you talking about God anymore. There is no God and there is no heaven!” 

For some reason, this scene really affected me. When I finally went to sleep that night, I had that old familiar dream again! I was standing in an open grassy field. I hear the awful noise. I looked up and saw the white plane but then everything changed. Suddenly, I was in the plane! The plane was sputtering out and I was frantically trying to figure out how to fly it (this was before I was a licensed pilot) and I had no idea what I was doing. The plane began to nose dive and spin uncontrollably toward the earth. I knew the outcome and I was freaking out! As I broke through the clouds and saw the ground quickly approaching toward my demise, I was lifted out of the plane and hovered above it as I watched it auger into the ground in a massive fireball! At that moment, I experienced something beyond reason. A peace beyond all understanding covered me like a warm blanket and the brightest, purest white light began to envelop me until all of the darkness and horror of the explosion could no longer be seen. I remember a feeling of calm and even elation. Then, I felt a light tap on my cheek and heard, “Todd, wake up”, fully expecting Jill to be hovering over me, tapping my cheek and telling to get up but when I awakened, she was dead asleep. I woke her immediately and asked, “Babe, did you just tap my cheek and tell me to wake up?” She had no idea what I was talking about. A moment later, I believe God gave me an interpretation to my dream. Here’s what He told me. “Son, for most of your life you have feared death. The reality is that indeed, someday, you will die. The manner in which you die is not important. What matters most is that in that moment, I will be there with you and will comfort you and you will experience my peace and joy.” 

I will never forget this experience and honestly, I rarely share it because it is so sacred to me however I felt compelled tonight to share it with you all. To this day, and it’s been many years now, I’ve never had that dream about the plane and my fear of death has been replaced with an assurance that God is real. He loves me (and you!) and He wants all of us to trust Him for what lies beyond. 

Verse to consider: John 14:2-3 “My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

I hope this was encouraging for you and I thank you for your time.

Let’s go get it!